I received this anonymous "fan mail" over at the How to Leave the OALC wiki site.
Message 1: "Just was directed to this by a helpful anon. in 'extoots'. This is extremely helpful, pertinent, and gentle. It has no trace of bitterness or hostility, instead it focuses on the healing aspects of leaving, and the ways one can use it to positivly impact life. A thousand thanks. You have helped more than you can know. : )"
Message 2:
"i want to thank u t's for making up such bullshit about our church. u ppl piss me off so bad. i can't believe such one would make up such horrific shit about this precious christianity when u know how wrong u really are. u ppl make me so sick. maybe u should not write anything else about our church or u might find yourself in serious pain. thanx"
Well, that email you received is sure something. The obsession with the devil (and blaming him rather than forcing any abuser to buck up and accept responsibility) is to me positively disgusting. However, I do think that because of your very recent and ongoing pain and suffering, you are overreacting a bit to the email. I don't read it as "full of condemnation." They are just asking you to stall for time (as if that's likely to make any difference) and dithering on in their black-and-white, God-vs-devil way and they don't know any better. The sooner you get somewhere where people support you, nourish you, teach you of God's LOVE through the example of loving behavior, the sooner you will be on the path to recovery. The sooner you are able to recognize and neutralize any residual guilt (which we inevitably are stuck with in these situations), the sooner you will heal. May God bless you and keep you, and give you strength, encouragement, and eventually, the ability to forgive. Many Trails Home
ReplyDeleteI had already waited a year and a half to have the divorce giving him a chance to change,
ReplyDeleteand not once in that time had they come to see me, call me or give me any support.
The email arrived a week before the divorce was to be finalized. The abuse didnt stop either, he said he had changed though, but he also said that God was going to get revenge on me.
WOW! Quite a difference in tone between the two letters. What does the person who wrote message 2 think he is accomplishing? Shame and Fear, and plain meaness as a tactic to get you to change your ways. Message 2 is basically a case in point of the thoughts of those that have left or are leaving. If the people in the OALC are anything like this writer of why on earth would anyone want to go there, let alone begin to think that their form of christianity is so precious? GEEZ!
ReplyDeleteIs message 2 a threat of some sort?
ReplyDeletePrecious language coming from the precious Christianity. At the very least the writer should have capitalized the "c" in "christianity".
RWB here...
ReplyDeleteCome onnnnn.....you all are going to suck up what was said in message 2 as being from an OALC member? Maybe it was, but I really really don't think so. Can I say that again?....I really really don't think so. If that person is for real (who knows on here!) they got themselves some real problems.
As far as x alc's situation and scenario goes I somewhat addressed that in another post. I will add here that she wrote that this email came from "the church and his family". His family maybe, but I don't think the church had anything to do with the email and wouldn't handle things in such a way. All I can say is that none of us here knows anywhere near enough about the whole situation or it truths or lies to say much about it. Or to pass judgement on the OALC based on any of this.
RWB
Great advice, MTH.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, RWB, that we don't know who wrote the message. Could be a hoax. He did leave his IP address, however, and as I've been threatened with "serious pain," I suppose I should look him up (sorry for the sexism, but my hunch is that this is a teenage boy). Whatcha think?
Free, a threat like the one this "fan" left warrants legal action. The vulgarity can be protected by freedom of speech, but physical threats are serious business -- I don't care whether it's a teenage boy or who it is.
ReplyDeleteLook that guy up and report him to th e police. I don't think you should take any chances with a potential wacko.
ReplyDeleteIf he's not a wacko and just a stupid kid, then a visit from the police will teach him a life long lesson.
Is x alc and ex member of the alc or oalc?
ReplyDeleteMy guess would be ALC- hence the moniker "X ALC", but then again, could be anything. Same program; different label.
ReplyDeleteBy "serious pain" he might also mean something else than physical pain. Maybe he's insinuating that she'll suffer in hell or something? But how do we know... There are all kinds of violent people, even in the OALC. I've heard about one incident at an OALC prayer house in Finland that an OALC member who's known to be critical of certain issues was physically attacked by a hard-core OALC member. As far as I know, he wasn't injured though, but they say a child who was standing nearby was.
ReplyDeleteHibernatus
RWB, I would guess you live on the "fringe" of the OALC community, and I would also guess in BP area. If you lived in a small highly-conservative OALC community such as I did, you'd have a substantially different concept of what is taught. And frankly, I assumed from the get-go that the weirdo above was for real and I see no reason to change my mind. It is entirely consistent with my experience of the more pathologic element in the OALC (and I did NOT say the OALC is 100% pathologic. It is not. I know some very loving, down-to-earth people in it, cousins that I love very much. I would never say one negative word against them.) Once again, here's to transparency in all walks of life. Many Trails Home
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, MTH - the email had to have been sent from someone very familiar with OALCspeak.
ReplyDeleteRWB, I'd like to add to MTH's comments. Of course not all OALCers are fanatics like the poster above. However, and this is BIG for me, HOWEVER, ANY autocratic, authoritarian organization allows plenty of room for those who wish to carry beliefs to the extreme and get away with their actions. In such a closed group, there is no room for discussion, dissent, compromise. Someone, inevitably, gets hurt, and there is nowhere to turn.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be saying that most OALC marriages and families are rosy and happy. I remember feeling as a young adult that the marriages in our community were "businesses" and often of "convenience". It was preached occasionally that love fades, sometimes quickly, and that is why divorce is banned -- those marriages have to stay put, period.
You, like most of us, have a tendency to exaggerate to make one's point. Not all "worldly" marriages are miserable and broken. In my husband's department of 30 or so (all the same profession), the only one I know of who was/is divorced is his boss. In my circle of acquaintances here, I can think of only two who are divorced, one from an abusive man.
Maybe it helps you feel secure in your Lot in Life to think others are living wretched lives, but it just ain't so.
Now, within my OALC family, we have several divorces/separations. There are extenuating circumstances, to be sure, but I wonder how much in these failed relationships could have been helped with a bit more openness and a little less judgment.
I am happy your life is great, that you fit into your group and belief system, and I pray that it will continue along this path for you.
You are a seeker; may your road by enlightening.
SISU
SISU:
ReplyDeleteStatistics say the divorce rate in America is currently running at better than 50%. Sounds pretty wretched to me. It's probably only that high because so many live together outside of wedlock. Stats are stats.....
Anon, look a little deeper into that number: 50% of what? When I researched it awhile ago, they got 50% by comparing the number of marriages and divorces in any given year. Last time I checked, I didn't need to get married every year!
ReplyDeleteAlso, divorce percentages are higher among pooer and less-educated folks than for college-educated and more-well-off people. So maybe we should be asking what's behind the discrepancy instead of saying "80% of US marriages end in divorce", as stated by RWB.
BTW, if so many people are living together, as you say, then the divorce rate should be LOWER, shouldn't it?
SISU
Yes SISU...the divorce rate would be lower if so many people are just living together.. because they can just part ways when something goes wrong. Personally, I think divorce is only ok in certain situations like abusive relationships. I think people give up way too easily on their marriages because divorce is so common. What do you all think?
ReplyDeleteHey, xalc, there are several requests for your website. Please provide the link!
ReplyDeleteFor those of you in the Twin Cities, here is a link to Markus Wuollet's website. He is having a fundraiser to help pay for the medical costs of his care (he is in hospice care now). Please take a moment to leave him a note.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/markuswuollet
I just read that 2nd note again and noticed they said "shit"...I don't think any oalc member-that would be defending the church- would type shit....maybe accidently SAY it,but not TYPE it.(unless they didn't proofread it..) Just an observation. Hopefully it is not a real threat, but in todays world you can never be too careful. I can see a oalc member responding that way if they know forsure that they'll remain anonymous...reputation is a big thing for them. ...I should say "most" of them.
ReplyDeleteIt's possible a Laestadian would use that word, especially if they are young and male. It's certainly a threat, and even though idle threats are common online, it's still definitely not cool. I guess you know you've arrived when you start getting threats.
ReplyDeleteX ALC, I know that getting some physical distance certainly helped me get some emotional distance. It's difficult to get to know yourself when you're around Laestadians and at the same time you are trying to process and disassociate yourself from the community.
Anyone who thinks a Laestadian would not use or type the word sh-t is very naive. I have had young people from the OALC at my house, and have overheard conversations in my back yard that would curl your hair. Lots of cussing , including the f word! Yes, the Laestadian kids cuss just like the worldlies!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's not just the young people in the OALC who cuss, it's the adults as well, especially those who work in trades/blue-collar workers. They cuss more than their 'worldly' counterparts.
ReplyDeleteI meant that they wouldn't type it on this site with all us ex-laestadians reading it. Of course I know they swear..I was one of them.
ReplyDeleteWe need to get past looking at OALCer's wrongdoings (I'm talking to myself here, too). Yes, they swear, and do lots of other things. They're human. They justify. They take allowances. Don't we all, at some time or another.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was dating my husband, he came to church with me a few times and was shocked to see a certain man there, who had at times worked on my husband's car. He told me at that time he had never heard anyone swear the way that man did. I had no response. One could just ask forgiveness on Sunday and it was taken care of.
That's the way they see their way to Heaven. There is no way I can argue with it. It is something, however, that I have long ago seen as improper or incorrect or limited.
I pray for them, too.
SISU
I just don't see how they can be so judgmental. How DARE they feel so superior, so special, so "chosen"? Sometimes I just have no patience . . . Many Trails Home
ReplyDeleteLLLreader sez: LLL used coarse language. I remember reading about a split in the church being caused partly by an arguement over whether or not the profanity should be removed. Some thought that every word from LLL was divine and shouldn't be tampered with.
ReplyDeletePS--anyone hear from W?