"laestadian, apostolic, gay, lgbtq, ex-oalc, ex-llc, llc, oalc, bunner" LEARNING TO LIVE FREE

Thursday, May 14, 2026

No More Forgive and Forget


What does it take to break the cycle of sex abuse and silence in a culture where men hold all the power? Keep Quiet and Forgive is a compelling PBS documentary about Amish survivors, and there are many unmistakable similarities with other high-control, isolationist communities.

"I want to say to the Amish community that if you are not willing to protect your children, then we will. To the Amish children, I want to say that you are not alone. I am here with you, along with all the survivors. To us, you are worth the risk of coming forward. To us, you are worth all the justice in the world." ~ LIZZIE HERSHBERGER survivor and author of “Behind Blue Curtains”

 



 

OALC survivors of sex abuse can find support at Voices Unmuted - OALC Abuse Awareness & Support

If you know of other resources for Laestadians (or former Laestadians), please share in the comments. 

Wednesday, October 18, 2023

Ricky & Austin Johnson on Leaving Laestadianism


When Ricky Johnson's son Austin stopped attending church (the OALC in the UP), it presented an opportunity for Ricky to address his own doubts about the faith. He sought treatment for his depression, found the courage to question his own beliefs, and to be authentic with himself, his family, and his friends. 

He and Austin, who is now a biology professor, talk about their experiences on several videos. Ricky said the interviews were intended to support others who feel marginalized by high control religion. 

"It hurts to feel othered by family and friends within high control religions. Those who have left are worthy of unconditional love and support.”  

While I have different perspectives on animism and rationalism (and the origins of the religion we once shared), I find it encouraging that Ricky and Austin are navigating their inquiries together, and am grateful that they are willing to share their experiences online. 

May others be inspired by their curiosity and compassion. 


Friday, October 06, 2023

Growing Up Laestadian

Karen Tolkkinen’s series “Growing Up Laestadian” (on Medium) is recommended reading for anyone curious about the religion and its effects (particularly the exclusivity practices) on children. It is also a rare and welcome example of a writer who has created, in spite of Laestadian conditioning in feminine self-erasure and secrecy, a space to share her own perspectives. Karen’s quiet courage, humility, and hope suffuse the writing.  



Born into the Minneapolis Laestadian Lutheran Church in 1972, Karen remained a member for 30 years before leaving. She began writing about her childhood, she says, “as a way to open the door to this closed group, to document its practices, and to educate parents about the secret ways their children might be suffering.”

We call ourselves Christians, or believers. We call people outside our church un-Christians, or unbelievers or uns for short, as in, “She’s an un.” We call the people who split away from our church in 1973 heretics, or tics, for short. “They go to the tic church.”

Karen’s formative experiences are simply and effectively evoked. While she avoids historical or political analysis (the focus is on her personal experience), it is not difficult to extrapolate the patriarchal ideology and control dynamics to other arenas in American life, including our continuing struggle for reproductive rights.

The series has been resonating with members of the Extoots support group on Facebook.

“I really enjoy reading what you’re writing; you have a way of getting the words to paper that explain perfectly what’s sometimes difficult to explain when I’m asked about specific things regarding my upbringing . . .”

“You write so well! Keep it up!”

There are 18 posts in the series so far, with more to follow. 

Saturday, February 05, 2022

Links Round-up


Greetings, readers, hope you are staying well. What a weird time to be alive, eh?

When I was hit with Omicron over Christmas, it helped me let go of expectations around tradition and justify a long, slow recovery. I took a lot of baths, watched movies, read books, learned to crochet and bake macarons, etc. 

This formed some habits that are hard to break. I am still moving like molasses in January.

An email from a reader reminded me of just how badly I had neglected this blog. 

In penance, I offer you a post with juicy links, and a warning: if you are likewise susceptible to sloth, click away now!

But say hi in the comments first. Isolation is awful.

Free

TV/FILM

Swedish Game Show Takes On Religion

Ällt for Sverige, the popular TV show in which 10 Americans vie for a family reunion (while learning history lessons and enjoying the beauty of a Swedish summer) is back in production post-Covid.

Among the contestants this season is a gay ex-Mormon, a former evangelical youth minister, and a Lutheran PK. They visit Sweden's "Bible Belt" -- Småland, not Norrbotten, to my surprise. (Perhaps there are two Bible Belts in Sweden, one evangelical and one Laestadian? Filming the latter could be a challenge.)

All the Sins

This award-winning crime show directed by Mika Ronkainen features a fictional Laestadian village and explores themes that will resonate with anyone familiar with the faith. One reviewer said: "Unlike other popular Finnish television series such as Bordertown (Sorjonen) and Deadwind (Karppi), All the Sins bears a substantial social dimension and tackles many important themes such as religious fanaticism, family relationships and their effect on the individual, homosexuality, infidelity, and many more. Merja Aakko and Mika Ronkainen both did a tremendous job as far as the screenplay is concerned while Ronkainen is also the director and the man responsible for the spectacular optics of the show. This is a must-see for all those who crave something more than a simple whodunit or a fast-paced, action-packed story that the viewer forgets a few days after watching. It is one of the most unique Nordic television productions of the last few years and it is worthy of our full commitment."

The NYT review: "As portrayed in the series, the sect's strictness combined with its belief in the absolute power of forgiveness make it a good match for a story involving ritualistic murders and church-enforced cover-ups

NEWS

Ex-Laestadian Humor on Insta

Thursday, January 14, 2021

Poem: En Pointe by Karen Tolkkinen



Published by permission from the poet, Karen Tolkkinen, a former member of the Laestadian Lutheran Church, who lives and writes in Minnesota. 

 

Photo: Grace in Winter 2, by Jeff, Creative Commons 2.0

En Pointe

Karen Tolkkinen


Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?


What do I want?

What do I want?

What do I want?


Once upon a time, I wanted to dance

en pointe, en chaine, entendu.

But they said dancing was sin.

And I hated myself for wanting it.


Once upon a time, I wanted to act in

plays and movies.

But they said no, acting is sin.

Plays are sin. Movies are sin.

And I found myself most wretched for wanting it.


I might have enjoyed watching a Twins game

But that was sin.


I might have enjoyed your company

But I wasn't allowed friends outside church.


I might have enjoyed debate, or speech, or National Honor Society

But they would draw me away from church friends.


So when I moped around the house

Bored

My mom would grow impatient.

Read a book, she'd say.


So I would.

Books about ballet. 

And actors.

And normal kids befriending other normal kids.

And no-one to tell them they were wrong.