Advice?

I've reposted this message here so it wouldn't be missed.

Leah718 said...
Thank you to the woman who has been married to an OALCer for over 30yrs. The posting on this site and one other have helped me tremenously. I am a Chrisitan woman "of color" who has dated a man for two and a half years that belongs to this church. Many of the questions that have gone unanswered have now come to light. This explains the unusual coldness I have felt by the his friends and family that belong to the church. How could this have gone on so long? Because of our careers and lifesyles, it was once easy to live a life separate of that of the church.
I am saddened when I feel his pain. He is torn between family, the church and me. I don't feel it would be fair to ask him to leave the church; this is something that he needs to do on his own. He is a well educated man who has tasted life apart from the church for a while, and although he never discusses this with me, I know he has serious doubts about the church's claims.
Part of my role to him is the love that can exist outside the church; my biggest fear is that he will never leave the church. You are right in saying that attending church alone is very lonely, even if you are still single.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Leah, it is wise of you to consider these things seriously. Your guy is lucky to have you, because a lot of dates would run (fast) after seeing an OALC family up close. (Thank God my husband didn't.)

Even if your man leaves the church, he will never be completely free from it, socially or psychologically. It doesn't sound like he wants to be, though. If your biggest fear is that he won't leave the church, and he has yet to talk to you about his commitment to it, I think that's a big clue.

If you choose to have kids, your children will grow with a significant number of their relatives considering them "bad" or "unChristian" or worse. (Our six-year old is very sad that his grandparents and cousins never visit him.)

There is no appreciation of diversity, racial or otherwise, in the OALC. Why put yourself or your kids through that?

Leah, have the big conversation with him. Then "don't waste your pretty" if he can't make accommodations or understand your concerns. There are many wonderful men in the world.

Don't settle.

Married to the OALC

What is it like to be married to someone who is still in the OALC? No doubt it varies a lot. But my heart goes out to all those who are feeling the barbs and arrows of the OALC's unloving dogma. Read the comments
here and also here (on the Left the OALC blog).

New Forum for Former Laestadians, XLLL

In response to the suggestions for a forum, I've started one over at Yahoo -- click above or the logo in the sidebar at right. When you subscribe to the forum (with a real or assumed name), you can choose to have your email address hidden. Please sign up and launch a topic.

Any Change Here?

What some people do for small change
Originally uploaded by Roger Wood B.

Incredibly, this blog is almost a year old. It seems like just last week when I was wondering if anyone "out there" would find me. Well, you did and I'm glad. It is gratifying to know that I am not alone and that other folks are finding validation and information and support here. (As well as unsolicited prayers, hehe.)

Perhaps because I'm getting to know some of you, and because traffic is increasing (upwards of 60 hits a day, yikes), I feel newly motivated to improve this blog. Nothing major. I'm not THAT motivated and I have about two minutes a day I can spend on it. But! It would be nice to have categories for old posts, so if you want to look up the list of Sins, you don't have to search. And it would be helpful to have a "recent comments" section because y'all keep responding to stuff that is in the archives. These features are available with hosts other than Blogger (should I be whispering? Am I guilty of blog apostasy?!)

Oh, and what about the url? While "extoot" was kind of fun and insiderish -- "toot" was another term for bunner in my particular OALC milieu -- it is more confusing than descriptive.

Or should I leave well enough alone?

Help me out here, readers.

(No, that is not my photo and that pathetic person is not a relative. I'm pretty sure.)

New Link, Personal Post

Thanks to Exoalc, I've added a link to Spiritual Abuse Recovery Resources over in the right column.

Today under "A Lily Grows" there is a new note from Anonymous that reads:

I will continue to pray for you, as you still have a soul. A dying relative of yours told you repeatedly, "I love you". She is not alone in that thought. She loved all of you naturally and had a love and concern for your soul salvation. She was following Jesus own words when he said, "go out quickly, into the highways, hedges, streets, and lanes, and compell them to come in, that my house may be filled. We are still a house of the maimed, halt and blind.

Were these words intended for me? Or for Virginia?