"laestadian, apostolic, gay, lgbtq, ex-oalc, ex-llc, llc, oalc, bunner" LEARNING TO LIVE FREE: Poem: En Pointe by Karen Tolkkinen

Thursday, January 14, 2021

Poem: En Pointe by Karen Tolkkinen



Published by permission from the poet, Karen Tolkkinen, a former member of the Laestadian Lutheran Church, who lives and writes in Minnesota. 

 

Photo: Grace in Winter 2, by Jeff, Creative Commons 2.0

En Pointe

Karen Tolkkinen


Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?


What do I want?

What do I want?

What do I want?


Once upon a time, I wanted to dance

en pointe, en chaine, entendu.

But they said dancing was sin.

And I hated myself for wanting it.


Once upon a time, I wanted to act in

plays and movies.

But they said no, acting is sin.

Plays are sin. Movies are sin.

And I found myself most wretched for wanting it.


I might have enjoyed watching a Twins game

But that was sin.


I might have enjoyed your company

But I wasn't allowed friends outside church.


I might have enjoyed debate, or speech, or National Honor Society

But they would draw me away from church friends.


So when I moped around the house

Bored

My mom would grow impatient.

Read a book, she'd say.


So I would.

Books about ballet. 

And actors.

And normal kids befriending other normal kids.

And no-one to tell them they were wrong.

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