Seeking Clarity in the Face of Tragedy

I have watched a child die—suddenly, tragically, accidentally. It was the worst moment of my life, and a far worse one for the child’s parents and siblings. Left with a ghastly void in the space that a vibrant young life so recently occupied, we desperately seek to fill it—with explanations, rationalizations, comforting old sayings.

Richard George Davis, CC-licensed.

A preacher in the local congregation did his best to make sense of the senseless, a commendable and compassionate effort. His kind words of comfort at the funeral and in private conversations were pitch-perfect, offering a sense of fulfilled purpose to a devastated family. He shared a heartfelt Christian love with them, and with the shocked and grieving believers around them.

Their fondest hope for themselves and their loved ones is to reach the glory of heaven, he said. God had spared this child a lifetime of trials and temptations, bringing the reward to hand at a young age. The assurance about eternity was an attempt to offer some consolation, in the face of a very real tragedy that had been experienced right here on earth. It was religion serving its purpose, and doing it well: “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” (1 Cor. 15:55).

So what are you supposed to think when your religion is widely seen as playing a part in the unfolding of tragic events? It is hard to miss the possible connection when a mother from your church, a religion that strongly opposes birth control, reportedly tells officers she smothered the youngest of her nine children “because she thought she had too many children already and she was jealous of the attention her husband was giving to the baby” (Forghani 2013).

Happy Easter

This is a bittersweet day for me missing a dear friend who took her own life last fall. She loved Easter in all its sacred and secular aspects; it was her favorite holiday. Her presence is constantly missed and remarked upon, but today the sense of loss was particularly vivid, as she seemed to blossom at Easter like the lilies she loved. This morning she wasn't there to place flowers, to greet the visitors at the door, to help the children queue for their Alleluia processional, to shepherd them back to their seats, and to sneak out early to prepare the egg hunt on the front lawn.

She wasn't there, yet she was. In her family pew, it was not her shiny blond head I gazed at during the service, but a tiny black one: the infant grandson she did not live to meet. He is named Mathias, gift of God. While Mathia will grow up never knowing his grandmother, the love she gave away during her too-short life will surround him, nurture him, and buoy him up in myriad ways.

Unlike many of the people I celebrated with this morning (and perhaps you, too), I don't believe in the physical resurrection of Christ. I can't. But I treasure what the Easter story holds: a vision of death, not as an end, but as a transformation.

****

Cvow writes:

He is risen! Alleluia, Alleluia! The somber period between our
recollection of the Lord's passion and death on Good Friday is over, as we
celebrate Jesus' great victory over death and sin!

At tonight's vigil mass -- the most important holy day of the year -- our
Priest said some very compelling things that made me pause and reflect. I
don't remember all that he said, but here's the gist:

When we love again, after having had our love rejected, we share in the
resurrection. When we fail but get up again and try again, we share in the
resurrection. When we have been rejected and shunned, but respond not with
hate but continue our lives with love and peace, we share in the
resurrection.

I like this priest. It sounded like he was talking directly to me! He is a
gentle and wise man that works far too hard but never complains. (Well, OK,
he does complain about those 7 AM masses!)

Happy Easter Friends! May you have a peaceful and joy filled day thinking
about the great gift we have received.

I will be giving all of you a week of peace as we fly to AZ tomorrow to lie
in the sun and dry out. My loving wife of 34 years (She who must be obeyed)
gets really annoyed when I get on the computer when we're on vacation (since
I'm usually sneaking in a little work...) so I may not post for awhile.

How to Plan Your Funeral

Do you have a funeral plan? Do you think it would help your loved ones if they knew your preferences?

Marian's death has inspired me to think about these things. While not legally binding, a funeral plan might be helpful to my loved ones when I am whisked away. If nothing else, it will leave them no doubts as to my preferences, even if they choose to disregard them.

This website offers assistance.

For starters, I'd prefer to have my body donated to science and then cremated, with the ashes dispersed in some location near a big rock or tree stump, on which the kids can sit and reflect on our life together. The woods, the lake, the shore, the mountain, the San Juans . . . all good. If they like, they can plant a tree to remind them of the web of life in which we are all suspended (our family's penchant for commemorative planting has overwhelmed our city lot, so they would need to find another bit of earth).

Family viewing is okay, but I do not want my body and its "state of grace" (actually said by some to be discernable in one's final facial expression, no kidding) to be objects of curiousity and gossip in a church I didn't attend. This could conceivably come to pass if my husband were to die with me. I would hope better sense would prevail.

Our kids are not old enough to plan it, but a "celebration of life" is what I would want for their sake, among people who know and love us. With flowers -- peonies if they are in season, but anything fragrant will do -- and music. Lots of music, of all kinds, preferably live. Bizet's "Au Fond du Temple Saint" and "I'll Fly Away" (by Alison Krauss and Gillian Welch).

And you?

Tribute to Marian

Following is the article from The Reflector. What an incredible tribute.

I can't imagine how the response to her death -- and in particular this article -- are being received in the OALC. I know many of you coming to this site are searching for information about Marian.

May there be an increase in understanding and hope. May each of us be inspired to love unconditionally.

Thousands remember Marian Halberg
Literally thousands of people gathered at two services last week to remember the life of Marian Halberg who died in an auto accident Dec. 21 on Risto Rd. southeast of Battle Ground.

An estimated 2,500 people attended a Dec. 27 service held at the Old Apostolic Lutheran Church north of Battle Ground.
Then more than 500 people filled the Brush Prairie Baptist Church Dec. 28 where Halberg’s life was traced by four ministers and the testimony of those attending.

The Brush Prairie Baptist service included several of what were described as Halberg’s favorite hymns, with her nephew Matt Niska singing How Great Thou Art, another nephew, Jervon Niska, playing a piano solo, songs by the Kinnunen Sisters, and two hymns performed by the Vancouver Apostolic Choir led by Pastor Nathan Juntunen.

Clark County Chaplain Landis Epp traced Halberg’s life. Marian Elaine (Niska) Halberg, 55, was born July 14, 1951, in Minneapolis, MN, grew up in Montrose, MN, and was in charge of twice-daily cow milking through her high school years. She graduated from Buffalo High School in 1969 where she was chosen homecoming queen. She was involved in National Honor Society, student council and girls’ state. Family members described Halberg as “a natural born leader, a person with distinct views and defended them passionately,” said Epp.

The latter comment drew applause, as did other moments in the 2 1/2 hour ceremony.

Halberg worked as a nurse’s aid. She traveled to Europe in 1970. She married Art Halberg in 1971 and moved to Battle Ground. The Halbergs had 16 children, including infant son Luke who died in 1980. Halberg was a members of a TOPS club. She volunteered in schools. She was a member of the Vancouver Apostolic Choir. She hosted a Women’s Bible Study in her home. She ministered to women at the Legacy of Life Home. She orchestrated high school baccalaureate programs for several years. Halberg was a member of the Grace Bible Church in Battle Ground.

“Marian would light up any room with her smile and amazing personality,” said Epp. “She was everyone’s friend and confidante. She was a perpetual encourager. She loved people.”

Pastor Bob Carlson of Brush Prairie Baptist Church described Halberg as a “woman of such joy. She’s not with us. That’s our loss but her gain. Tears last for the night, but joy comes in the morning. She’s now in the presence of her precious Saviour.”
Carlson said Halberg celebrated life daily. “She’d want us to celebrate life in Christ.”

Pastor Nathan Juntunen said Halberg wanted to sing in a choir and had joined the Vancouver Apostolic Choir. Halberg died, said Juntunen, on the day of the choir’s Christmas program. “She was a powerful and potent spiritual leader,” he said. “Marian always remembered why we do this.”

Epp said Halberg loved music. Many people, said Epp, had told him they were glad to have a celebration like this. “A lot of churches lost a pretty good member” in Halberg’s death, said Epp. “She fit in anyplace.”

A slideshow depicted Halberg’s life, including various photographs of Halberg with her children and friends. Several photos were taken at coastal locations. Halberg’s enjoyment with Starbucks coffee was mentioned more than once. Halberg’s sister

JC Johnson of Minnesota said Marian “made me feel like a celebrity. I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to be more like her, to love, laugh, learn about God.”

Johnson said Halberg had given her a music box that played, “You Light Up My Life.” Johnson said Halberg “had a tremendous gift of encouragement. She cared about others. God put her in charge.”

Neighbor Bob Mattila said Halberg’s children had worked in his berry fields. Halberg had brought a dozen roses to Mattila when his family members died in an RV accident. He said he had a premonition that the Dec. 21 fatal accident involved Halberg even before he had learned the truth.

Brother Melvin Niska of Minnesota said his sister had called him on his 50th birthday. “Fifty years is not old--for a tree,” Niska quoted his sister as saying. Halberg would often end sentences with “Amen,” Niska said.

Another person attending the event said Halberg knew many people. She would go to a store and speak to several people she knew. Each one probably felt they were Halberg’s one special friend, the speaker said. Another person said Halberg would stop whatever she was doing to engage a caller in conversation.

Pastor George Hacker of the Venersborg Church said Halberg’s “face radiates the love of Christ." Hacker quoted a phrase from Halberg’s website: “There is One who has created the universe, whose truth is not so fragile it evaporates upon inspection.” Hacker described Halberg as a theologian with a bright mind. She loved the truth, said Hacker, but was not harsh. “She had a heart for people. A tender heart.” Halberg’s website is: www.oldapostoliclutheran.com

A teacher at Maple Grove Primary School said tearfully “we always loved having a Halberg in our class.”

Duane Rose, former principal at Maple Grove where Halberg had volunteered, said Halberg was the epitome of a parent volunteer. “She was everybody’s mother,” said Rose. “She was quick to bring things to our attention.”

“If we ever didn’t agree with her,” said Rose, “and I’m not saying we ever did, I just changed my mind.”

A young woman in attendance said Halberg came to a maternity home each week when she was a pregnant high school senior, and then came to her labor and delivery. Within an hour of her giving birth, said the young mother, Halberg had delivered a printed photo album. “She made you feel like you were the only person.”

Pastor Bill Webster said Halberg’s death “is a loss to all of us. She had a tremendous impact on all of us. She was one of the finest Christians I have ever known.”

“Love characterized her life,” said Webster. “Marian was a godly woman. She touched everyone she knew. You couldn’t help but love Marian because she loved you.”

Webster described how Halberg reminded him of Martin Luther and of Jesus Christ himself.

Survivors include husband Art Halberg, at home in Battle Ground, sons Art Halberg of Amboy, Jared Halberg of Yacolt, Thor Halberg of Alaska and Joshua Halberg, at home in Battle Ground, daughters Tamara O’Brien and Evangaline Muonio, both of Yacolt, Minda Tapani, Maria Stewart, Bethany Jolma and Beulah Halberg, all of Battle Ground, Gabrielle Halberg, Karla Halberg and Pamela Halberg, all at home in Battle Ground, Linnea Williamson of South Dakota, and Annalee Spencer of Kennewick, mother Linda Niska of Minnesota, brothers Melvin Niska, Victor Niska and Lenny Niska, all of Minnesota, and Charles Niska of Idaho, sisters Evelyn Wilen of Oregon, Annette Carlson and Edie Maki, both of Michigan, Elsie Muonio, JC Johnson and Eunice Burns, all of Minnesota, Lila Schmidt of South Dakota, and Lois Niska of Idaho, and 34 grandchildren.

Farewell to Marian

An accident took the life of Marian (Niska) Halberg yesterday morning when her car hit a tree on Risto Road, east of Battle Ground. The road was icy and Marian was rushing to pick up a friend who needed a ride to the airport. (Go here for the obituary and messages in the Columbian.)

I never met Marion but I am told she was a lively, intelligent, generous woman who was very active in her community. A former OALCer, she leaves not only her large family but an enormous circle of friends.

Readers, if you knew Marian, please take a moment to comment below. I know some of her family read this blog.

All Is Well

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household world that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.

By Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918)